This is going to be a long introduction to my blog but the story is important for context so please bear with me.
Three years ago today I learned that I was going to be "displaced" from my roll as a sales manager with Thomson Reuters. The news, which took me very much by surprise, hit me hard. Shock, panic, fear soon overwhelmed me as I processed the news. These re-orgs happen every year and I anticipated that one day I would be affected, but I really didn't expect it in the fall of 2011.
I am sure my reaction was similar to any of the millions of people in the US who had also been "displaced" but in addition to the usual anxiety I was faced with the reality that I was losing a job that I truly enjoyed. Sure there were bad days, but I really enjoyed what I was doing, the people I worked with, the people I worked for and the people who I managed. The compensation was tremendous, the hours flexible, the traveling minimal and I worked from my home. In short, I realized that I would probably never be able to repeat work the way I had worked for 13-years.
Thomson is a huge, multi-national corporation and I received reassurances that I would find another position within the Thomson network of companies. But within a few weeks I realized that because I had been displaced there was a perception that what ever the circumstance there was a reason that I had been selected and what ever that reason was it was a good enough reason not to consider me for other openings. Basically, there was a reason that I was voted off the island and that was a red flag. Internal recruiters would not return my calls, external recruiters, initially interested, soon avoided me as well. Thirteen years of hard work, doing things the right way, earning respect and exceeding expectations meant nothing.
In addition to the stigma of being displaced I was also over 50. At the time (and it is still the case today) companies are increasing profits by reducing expenses and that means NOT hiring older workers. An acquaintance of mine told me that I was "fucked". There are perceptions about older workers and it's much easier to deal with them by not dealing with them. It's illegal to fire or not-hire someone because of their age and not interviewing older candidates is the easiest way to avoid a potential situation. Besides, it's not like the market is not flooded with highly-qualified candidates in their 30's.
As if life was not complicated enough, 12-weeks later my mother passed away. An only child, every aspect of that came crashing down on my shoulders. While her death was not unexpected the emotional wave was. Once can not appreciate the magnitude of losing their mother until it happens. It's much more difficult than losing a father; it just is. Working through her death, the funeral and the administrative details alone was at times overwhelming. When my life settled down it was May and suddenly I was over 50 and officially "long-term" unemployed. Pretty much strike-three.
In the past three years I have applied for dozens of jobs, individual contributor and manager, and had only a handful of interviews. I have applied to large corporations, start-ups and non-profits. I have "networked", visited incubators, accelerators, venture capital entities and family offices. I have tapped friends and acquaintances for leads and introductions. Nothing.
The past three years have not been all negative. Through career counselors, books, family, friends and therapy I have come to the following conclusion: I am happy with the person that I am. I am not saying that I am perfect as I certainly have warts but overall I am very comfortable in my own skin. I no longer view myself through the lenses of some corporation or some manager who may or may not share my ideals or values. I have had time to read for the pleasure of reading. Business, history, economics, politics, fiction, biography, what ever I feel like reading. The NY Times, LA Times, Washington Times, The Economist, The Week, Time and numerous online resources. Knowledge is powerful and I am feeling pretty confident in my understanding of topics I would have never learned about in the past.
So here I am, approaching my 55th birthday; happy and confident in who I am; a husband who is (I believe) much easier to live with and be around; a father who is present, supportive and truly excited about my daughter and her future; a friend who is loyal and true and a neighbor always willing to lend a hand. But what does that mean in terms of vocation? In terms of employment, where do I fit in. (Now, I look for a job where I will fit in without compromising values or ethics). Basically, how and where am I a value to an entity?
As I find my way forward, I am hoping this blog is an outlet for creative interests and share my ramblings and the moments (as caught on film) where I see beauty and elegance. These are often of places most people tend to walk by and never notice. Old fence rows are metaphors of this. We drive, ride or walk by them and seldom take notice. But those who stop and take time to look will often be rewarded with all manner of interesting thing: wildlife, history, artifacts from times gone by. However, one must investigate with caution, fence rows, especially the interesting ones, are often dense and tangled with briars, poison ivy, rocks and old fencing which make them difficult to penetrate let alone navigate. Again a metaphor, like life they are complicated.verwhelmed me as I processed the news. These re-orgs happen every year and I anticipated that one day I would be affected, but I really didn't expect it in the fall of 2011.
No comments:
Post a Comment